9 Weeks: Name Game - How-To

Since I'm such a philosopher about names and naming kids, and since I'm doling out so much unsolicited advice, and acting like the baby-naming expert, I thought it couldn't hurt for me to create a guide, a sort of How-To on choosing a baby name.

Here goes:

• Always remember, you're choosing a name on behalf of your child.

Most of my suggestions are guided by this single, over-arching principle. In an ideal world, people would choose their own names, but since it'd be at least 20-25 years until they'd be able to choose an appropriate name for themselves (maybe more!), that duty falls to you. So this is not an event you should use to satisfy your own little whims, or to honor an ancestor, living or dead. It's not to make your parents happy. Tradition is nice, but the question isn't whether your family will be happy that you've followed a family baby-naming tradition, it's whether you think your kid, in his/her world, will be happy to have been a part of it. All of you who are naming your children Barack—I understand the sentiment, but your child may not grow up to fully appreciate it. It's her name, not your name for her. It's his name, not a family legacy.

• Keep your name-selection process private.

I blogged about this in detail previously, so I'll only recap here: outsiders will rarely take the exercise as seriously as the parents, so outsiders' advice tends not to be as thoroughly considered. Also, outside advice gets more weight/credibility than it merits, and distorts parents' thinking processes.

• Imagine a broad range of possible "life contexts" when considering possibilities.

I get a ton of traffic to this blog from people searching the keywords "cowboy names" and "flapper names". If you're a Texas cowboy yourself, you may well think it appropriate to assign your kid a great cowboy name. But it may not be a safe assumption that your kid will become a cowboy, or stay in Texas where the name Buck might be considered kind of cool, rather than awkward, silly, provincial. We weren't satisfied with any name we didn't think would work equally well for a senator, a rock star, an athlete, or an author. If we had been more comprehensive we'd also have spent more time considering regional effects. August will work great if spends a lot of time in Europe. But for all we know, in California, or the deep south, it might only ever be used for girls these days. If it is, our kid may someday grow to resent the name.

• Be cognizant of the current trends.

Why does the name Mabel instantly conjure the impression of an old lady? It's because Mabel was a hot, trendy name in the late 19th century, and its popularity tailed-off suddenly in the earlier part of the 20th century. In the decade starting 1900, about 0.5% of babies (about 1% of girls) were named Mabel. By the 1930's, the name was about 1/100th as popular, being given to about 0.005% of babies (.01% of girls). Today it doesn't even register. In the 1990's, Justin was the 17th most popular name for boys (60% more popular than Mabel was in the 1900's!). It came out of nowhere; but in the 1960's it was just 301st most popular. Now it's beginning to tail off. Boys who were named Justin in the 1980's will never feel they were given a strange name, and I can tell you from experience that being a young kid with a weird name isn't always pleasant. But now that I'm an adult, I really like having a unique name, and Justins will never feel that way. If the current trend for Justin continues, by about 2050 or 2060, the name Justin will seem just as antique as the name Edgar does today. Most parents know the Name Voyager. I recommend it as a tool for researching current and past naming trends.

• Give the kid options.

Regardless of what you decide to call your kid, think about giving him/her as flexible a name as possible—go with the longer form, even if you plan to use a shorter form. Before we knew we were having a boy, Mary and I spent some time debating possible girls' names. I've always been partial to the name Katie, and for that reason, suggested we name a daughter Katherine. Mary liked Kate, but not necessarily Katherine. Her idea was that we could possibly just name the child Kate; we could use Kate or Katie day to day, and we could avoid Katherine (which is a fine name, just not our favorite). I thought that even if we never used Katherine in its full form, we should still name the kid Katherine so that she could go by that more formal sounding name later in life, if she wanted/needed to. Mary and I disagreed on this. Personally, I don't see why we'd intentionally limit the possibilities open to a child just because we didn't love a name... maybe she would love it. I don't think Mary is convinced on this point as of right now, but this is my blog so... there it is!

• Consider all the permutations.

It's advice you'll find in almost every baby book, but it bears repeating. Be sure you're not accidentally giving your child awkward initials (no one wants their luggage emblazoned "ASS"), or something can sound like something else (Shanda Lear), or combine amusingly with your last name (Barry Coffin). Don't forget to check initials in combination with the last name. If your name is Farf, don't give your child the first name Roger (R. Farf). People spend a lot of time worrying about how nicknames might be twisted around on the playground and used as teasing material, but other than for ridiculously mockable names, I'm not sure it's worth worrying too much about that. If a kid's going to be teased it'll happen regardless of his/her name. Bullies are perfectly happy choosing a new name to use for teasing, so you're really not providing any real shelter.

• Enjoy!

I thought the process of choosing our boy's name was a lot of fun, if sometimes wrought with peril! Enjoy it, and good luck!