Day 211: Space Crunch

Space Crunch. It's not an astronaut-themed breakfast cereal. It's the prevailing condition in our family.

Baby Boy has been playing xylophone on Mary's rib cage for a couple of weeks now. According to our obstetrician, his head is down and it's his foot/feet that are getting up under poor Mary's rib cage and giving her discomfort. Space is getting limited in there and we're just starting week 32 today. 9 more weeks to go, and the literature says he's going to double in size before he's done.

Mary has been mostly comfortable so far, but she's starting to get to a point where it can be hard for her to find a comfortable seated position. As I type this she's sitting in a hard-backed dining-room chair, not on the soft sofa by me. Poor thing.

But the baby isn't the only one running out of space. So far we've added a little crib/playpen deal, baby bathtub, a ton of new clothes & linens, various toys and carriers, and we're about to order that fancy stroller I spent so much time and thought in justifying.

Space is getting tight, for all of us!

Day 200: Name Game - By The Numbers

So we've run the numbers on a few names, including both our favorite names and a few that aren't really in the running. The results:

Addison:	11.90
Elliot:	11.25
August:	11.00
Emerson:	10.88
Everett:	9.75
Reik:	8.50
Clement:	8.25
Waldron:	8.25
Emmett:	8.00
Lincoln:	7.50
Robert:	7.25
Watson:	6.08
Amos:	1.00

We used the following weights:

Cheesy:	-3.00
Hippy Name:	-2.00
Neg. Subjectivity:	-2.00
"er":	-1.75
Incongruous:	-1.50
Bad Association:	-1.50
Alliteration:	-1.00
Bad Initials:	-1.00
Trendy:	-1.00
Common:	-1.0
Bad Cadence:	-1.00
Poor Shortener:	-0.50
Wimpy:	-0.50
False Honor:	-0.50
Pretentious:	-0.30
Taken:	-0.25
Odd Syllables:	0.33
Cowboy:	0.50
Punch:	0.50
Literary:	1.00
Rockstar:	1.00
Gravitas:	1.00
Pos. Subjectivity:	2.0
Family:	2.0

In each of these categories we scored names giving values between 0 and 3. In the case of Watson, we gave a score of 20 in the "Taken" category. That was the way we could push the score down low enough... we're not naming the child after the dog. But if there were no dog, there's a good chance Watson would be the name.

As of now, Addison and Elliot are the front-runners. Not sure how August is scored so highly, must be something weird in the weights or the individual scores for the name August. We'll see how it fares as the model evolves.

Day 199: Name Game - Scientific Approach

I've built a preliminary model for quantifying name candidates. Click the image to see a screenshot of the first-pass.



The names are given a score in any applicable category. The standard score is 2, but it can be reduced to 1 if the name only mildly fits the category, or raised to 3 if the name strongly fits the category. For example, Reik is a family name, but it's pretty distant, and by marriage, so it gets only a 1 in the "Family" category. Whereas Robert is the name of a grandfather whom I admire greatly, so that gets a 3 in that category. These values are arbitrary, of course. Any values can be used (scale of 1-10, if you like) provided all categories are scored on the same scale.

The categories themselves are given weights relative to each other, both positive and negative. In this first pass, I've decided that having a pretentious sounding name is only half as bad as having a name that's trendy, which is only half as bad as a name with double "er"s. On the other hand, having a family reference is twice as good as having the coolness of a name with rock star potential.

This is just a first pass at my own weighting and scoring... these probably aren't my final weights. And it doesn't take any of Mary's preferences into account. We'll have to give her a sheet of her own, or agree to the weights and scores by agreement and compromise.

It's fun to build a model like this, but I can almost guarantee that the name we end up using won't be the winner according to any quantifiable scoring system. Not unless we tweak the weights and scores to make it come out the way we like! I've built enough numerical models to know that it almost never works out that way... even though we do have both negative and positive "subjectivity" categories to use as catch-all for areas that aren't otherwise scored.

Day 199: Name Game - The Rules

Choosing a name for our boy has become the most contentious part of my relationship with Mary. I have a need to solve this problem, so I thought I'd post a revision of the "rules" we have for choosing a name. I'm hoping this will focus our thinking and our discussion on the matter, help us get to resolution so we can both feel good about what we're going to name this kid.

Previously, everything was treated as a hurdle which must be crossed. We've since learned that there are no names that magically pass all negative tests. There are names both Mary and I like which, by our own "rules", aren't perfect. So we'll keep the list of total nonstarters short, then explore categories which can grant positive associations, then look at what can detract from a name's appeal.

Non-starters
Any name with the following characteristics must be excluded:

• Alliterative names - anything with an F sound like. e.g. Frank Faulkner doesn't work.
• "er" names - e.g. Hunter Faulkner. Doesn't work. Neither does the family name Latimer, unfortunately. Technically, I guess these are also alliterative names, but we'll give them their own bullet, just to be clear.
  
• Bad initials - e.g. Elliot Latimer Faulkner. Breaks the "er" rule above, but mabye worse, has ELF for initials. Perhaps this shouldn't be a nonstarter, but it's an easy hurdle to cross so let's call it a rule.
• Cheesy names - Finesse, Gunner, Angel. These are sometimes used as boys' names. Not our boy, thanks. Angel I can forgive in a Latino context, but nowhere else.
  
• Hippy names - these don't really work with the literary-sounding Faulkner. Plus it paints him into a personality-corner. Sky Faulkner. Rain Faulkner. No.

Positive Points
Names get positive points if they can claim any of the following characteristics:

• Family names - positive points if the name is somewhere in either my or Mary's family tree. Much preferred, and grants immunity against negative points for pretentiousness (see below).
• Literary-sounding names - with a name like Faulkner, it'd be a shame to give him a name he couldn't proudly use on a book-jacket! Here I think Emerson (a family name somewhere on my side) might work well.
• Cowboy names that work with Faulkner - it's hard to find them, but with Mary's western heritage, any cowboy name that can actually work with Faulkner gets positive points. The name Emmett was the exception that broke the original "no cowboy names" rule. We think it's sort of a cowboy name, but maybe it's a down home name instead. Whatever.
• Rockstar names - I'd love to give our son a name he can use to front a rock band. I think Emmett also works in that capacity. My friend Andrew actually did suggest the name "Roxtar". Well played, sir!
• Gravitas - Addison Faulkner is a name you can take to the Senate if you need to. It'd be nice to start our boy off with a name that confers some gravitas. He can always shorten this type of name if it gets too cumbersome.
  
• Punch - we seem to favor names that start with, or at least contain, hard sounds and syllables. This accounts for the large number of names we've considered that start with E. Gives it a punch. One of the few complaints I've had with the name Waldron, in adult life anyway, is the absence of this kind of punch. The name Waldron Faulkner is so mushy sounding that it's sometimes difficult for me to pronounce! Punch is nice to have, for a boy.
  
• Odd number of syllables - Rhythmically speaking, you want the entire name, however it's configured, to have an odd number of syllables. Since Faulkner is even, we need an odd number in the first name, and then an even number in the middle name. This way, whether one pronounces just the first name, or the first and last, or the full name—it always contains an odd number.

Negative Points
Names are penalized—but perhaps not completely excluded—if they fall into any of the following categories:

• Incongruous with last name - this is the clause which encapsulates the hitherto nonstarting cowboy names and tough guy names. On reflection, we do like names which could fall into either of these two categories, but find they usually don't work well with the somewhat stuffy-sounding last name Faulkner. Rock Faulkner? Positive points for being a rock star name and for having an odd number of syllables, but just doesn't work.
• Common names - we're shying away from names like Michael and Andrew and James. I've enjoyed having a unique name, and Mary has disliked having an extremely common name. So we're going to give extra negative points for names that are "normal".
• Pretentious names - anything that sounds like it belongs in the country club (a condition that is sorely exacerbated when paired with Faulkner) gets negative points. However, as noted above, these negative points are nullified if the the pretentious name happens to be a family name. In my family, where Waldron, Winthrop, Avery and even Cuthbert all make multiple appearances on the family tree, we should have plenty of material to get past the pretentiousness clause.
• Taken names - it's disappointing when a friend or family member has used-up an otherwise promising name on their own child... or dog (looking at you, Sara).
• Poor shortener - many of the names we like suffer from this condition. Elliot shortens naturally to El or Elly. These are feminine (Elle and Ellie). Emerson and Emmet both shorten to Em or Emmy. These too are feminine. Clement shortens to an incongruous cowboy name: Clem. This could be counteracted (perhaps) by simply assigning our child an acceptable version of one of these names, or even an arbitrary nickname. Better get it done early, though.
• Bad cadence - remember the name Dexter? My only problem with this, after the fact that it's an "er" name, is that the shortened version, Dex, puts three consonant sounds in a row when matched with Faulkner. The "x" in Dex and the F in my last name make a "ksf" noise that I just can't get past. Of course, this isn't actually cadence, but I'm going to count it as similar to having a bad pattern of rhythmic stresses within the syllables of a name.
  
• Wimpy names - except in extreme cases (e.g. Pointdexter), wimpiness is subjective. I think many of the pretentious sounding country-club names in my family are a touch wimpy-sounding, and I have a slight "wimpy" connotation with Mary's favorite: Elliot.
• Trendy names - there could be names we like which have, for some reason, turned-up as popular in recent years. We'd prefer some level of assurance that our kid won't have to share his name with his classmates or coworkers.
  
• Bad association - we'd have to penalize any names that hold a negative (or maybe even neutral-but-strong) association for us because of people we've known in the past who had the name.
  
• False honor - if you had a friend or coworker who happened to share a name you liked, but wasn't the source of that name, you might hesitate to use that name for your child. The act might be misinterpreted as an intentional honor, rather than coincidence. The more unique the name, the greater the chance for awkwardness.
• Subjective dislike - if a name just doesn't strike your fancy, it must be demerited. Perhaps excluded altogether.

Now, exactly none of the names Mary and I have discussed so far have made it unscathed through the gauntlet of potential detraction I've outlined above. So from here there are only two things to be done. First—and anyone who really knows me knows this is always my first step—build a spreadsheet. Next, keep looking and try to find new names to compete with the current, imperfect candidates we've assembled so far: Elliot, Emmet, Clement, Emerson, Lincoln, Reik, Everett, and introducing into the mix Addison... resurrected from the list of names which had previously been excluded. Lets see if we can score these objectively.

Day 199: Another Poll Update

Trying out a few different names in the poll, again... Clement's back in the list. We're also interested to gauge reaction to the name Reik, which we would pronounce as "rake". It's a family name on my side... Scottish, we think. Reik definitely breaks some of the rules I outlined in my original boys' edition of the Name Game post. Specifically, I'd classify it as a "grand-sounding", "trying too hard", "yacht person" name like Rex or Max or Rafe. On the other hand, if he could get through childhood unscathed by the name, it'd be one very unique and (I think) very cool-sounding name to have, starting around age 15 or 16. I don't know if those types of names go stale once the person gets into old age. I could see it getting a bit stale, perhaps, starting maybe in your forties. Maybe younger? Or maybe never. But I do know you could absolutely front a rock band with the name Reik Faulkner.

Having a name that one could never out-grow or become too distinguished for, I don't feel qualified to speculate on what happens to people with super-cool names as they age. And, of course, this all assumes that "Reik" actually would be a super-cool name. Many might dispute the assumption!

Thoughts and votes are hereby solicited.

Day 192: Musical suggestions

Friends, please suggest songs you think would be appropriate music to play during family time with a newborn, or with older kids. Perhaps it should just be nursery rhymes? Use "comments" area.

Day 191: Musicology

This weekend I had the interesting and enjoyable task of assembling an iTunes playlist of music our family can enjoy after the boy arrives.

One thing I noticed during this exercise was that the music I myself was exposed to as a young boy, particularly The Beatles and Simon & Garfunkel, have imprinted themselves in my mind as music befitting young children. Not surprising that I should have this instinct, but I do credit my parents—never particularly musical people themselves—for having some great stuff around for the discovering. When I was in music school and comparing notes with my fellow classmates about our earliest exposures and influences, I was proud to be able to tell of the hours and hours I had spent exploring a first-edition pressing of Sgt. Pepper's.

Another theme which arose from creating this music collection was the reminder that the 80's was a grim time for the arts, especially popular music.

There are 67 songs in the collection I put together. Only ten of them are from the 80's. Two of those are from the 1980 Bob Marley album, "Uprising". But I'm going to count these as belonging, spiritually speaking, to the 70's. They were released before the election of Reagan, after all. Five of the eight remaining 80's songs are by Tom Waits. I consider this music to reflect the overall state of popular music in that decade. Not that it echoed or summed up 80's music, of course, but that it serves as a sort of allegory for 80's popular music itself. A sort of tattered, gruff, beaten-down and defeated "figure" to represent the state of popular music at the time.

Mary and I recently watched the series "Freaks and Geeks" via Netflix DVD. Spoiler Alert: the series ends with all the freaks gravitating away from their "dirt-bag" stereotype and into other stereotypes. One turns into a disco dude. Another turns from a freak into a geek. The main character, however, turns into a Deadhead.

I was about to turn 15 when Reagan was elected. In the early 1980's my proclivity for psychoactive recreational material put me into frequent community with Deadheads. Deadheads were also loyal, enthusiastic fans of the little band my friends and I started. I listened to the Dead a fair amount, and enjoyed it, but never drank the Kool Aid. However, many of my friends and colleagues did as the "Freaks and Geeks" character did, and gave themselves up entirely to the music and culture of the Dead.

At the time I thought it a terrific waste of time and enthusiasm from some otherwise very promising minds. But on reflection I can think of much worse ways to ride-out the 80's than retreating into the warm, safe harbor of Dead obsession. Outside it was grim, desolate, empty. Personally, I leaped out of my late-60's & 1970's bunker and stumbled confusedly into jazz territory, and to minimalist modern composers, and into my half-hearted, never terribly successful attempts to know and understand the classical composers.

Meanwhile, although the Dead weren't really writing anything of note during the 80's, they soldiered on from concert to concert, ministering to the few cultural conscientious objectors of the era with their solid, wholesome, "good" music. It's creative, accessible, and it draws on a broad and worthy base of influences—both musical and social.

So even though I didn't listen to it at all when I was a kid, and only a bit when I was a teen, I wasn't too surprised to find Dead songs liberally sprinkled throughout the selections I thought would make a good basis for our son's earliest musical exposure. These are catchy, simple tunes with straight-forward harmony. It's something the whole family can enjoy. It's a good, basic, education in American song forms. And it'll be a comforting musical retreat for our son, back to the sounds of his youth, if he should ever be faced with his own 80's-style cultural nuclear-winter.

Day 184: Omens and Portents

I was in Penn Station on Friday, waiting for a train back to Boston. In the waiting area was a mother and her son. The kid must have been three or four, and he was a total, utter wild man. He was running and jumping, complete abandon. Moments of uncontrolled spaz-out, giving way to full-tilt tearing around between peoples' suitcases and rows of chairs.

His mother was very patient through all of this. Trying to keep him safe, trying to keep him out of the way of other passengers, but also clearly happy to allow him to bleed off some excess energy before their trip.

I was a very energetic kid, myself. I can very easily see us getting a boy like that. Mary says I'm too quick to assume that we'll be getting a carbon copy of myself, says that not all of my personality traits, good or bad, may be handed-down.

She's right. We might not be in for the karmic backlash I've expected these many years, but if we are, I hope we can be as patient and understanding as that mother at Penn Station, and just let him freak out. My parents would have been horrified to let me go nuts like that. They were willing to tolerate energy up to a point—they were extraordinarily patient—but they were always uncomfortable when I was really being myself!

I've been thinking a lot lately about genetics and have formulated a not-very-inventive hypothesis: that being genetically matched to your offspring makes one a more apt parent; you're more likely to understand your child from his/her own point of view if you share his/her characteristics. My parents raised two adopted children (I was one of them) and one "natural", and I think we'd all three agree that my younger sister (not adopted) was better situated for my parents' brand of child-rearing. That's not to take away from them because they were fantastic, amazing parents. But my older sister and I definitely stumped them from time to time!

So go ahead, young man, whatever your name ends up being. If you turn out like me, I promise to be understanding when you feel it necessary to flail uncontrollably around Penn Station. And if you're not exactly the way I was, then I promise to try hard to understand you, and that will likely be a much bigger challenge.